TV programs worth watching
Sun May 9 — Sat May 15

The British "Royal Family" is an offensively expensive waste 
of space, a medieval hangover kept in place by capitalism to give 
the ruling class a spurious legitimacy and to provide diversion 
for the despised masses.

No one has the "right" to be set above the rest of humanity by 
virtue of their birth. No one has a right to a life of luxury and 
privilege simply because hundreds of years ago a robber baron 
ancestor of theirs slew his rivals and had himself made king of 
the remaining robber barons.

For ordinary people such medieval thugs would be a blot on the 
family tree, but royals are proud of their ancestors' exploits. 
Seizing your neighbours' lands, poisoning children who might 
inherit, putting the peasants to the sword and making war on 
other kingdoms near and far are all evidence of your "legitimacy" 
to be deemed royal.

You also need to be able to trace your ancestry back to someone 
who was recognised as King in the dim and distant past 
(regardless of what sort of murderous scoundrel he was).

In Britain's Real Monarch (ABC 7.30pm Sunday), Tony 
Robinson, better known as Baldrick in Black Adder, asserts 
that the present Queen, Liz Windsor, is not the "true" monarch of 
Britain. That dubious honour apparently belongs to some guy 
living in the NSW town of Jerilderie.

Baldrick's (sorry, Robinson's) basis for this curious assertion 
is evidence "suggesting" that Edward IV was illegitimate. Shock. 
Horror. Yawn.

Edward IV, the son of the Duke of York, was proclaimed King in 
March 1461. The War of the Roses was in full swing and Edward's 
coronation was a tactical move by the Yorkists to thwart the 
rival House of Lancaster.

In 1464 Edward secretly married a widow with two children, five 
brothers and seven unmarried sisters, something of a dynastic 
nightmare. When Edward IV died in 1483, he was succeeded by his 
13-year-old son as Edward V.

On his way to be crowned, the young king was seized by his uncle 
Richard of Gloucester (the later notorious Richard III), and, 
together with his brother, put to death in the Tower of London.

Richard's supporters then put it about that all the children of 
Edward IV were illegitimate and hence ineligible to be king 
anyway. They did not try to suggest that Edward IV himself was 
illegitimate, however.

For people in the 15th century, the question of whether the king 
was illegitimate was of realm shattering significance. In a world 
of innumerable servants and lackeys, palace spies and conniving 
nobles "waiting in attendance" on the royal personage, it would 
have been almost impossible to keep such a thing hidden.

Robinson's evidence may be suggestive but it seems highly 
unlikely. More importantly, what does it matter?

I suspect that Guardian readers, for example, couldn't 
give a toss about whether the present British monarch is "the 
true Queen" or not. No matter how inbred her blue blood might be, 
she and all the rest of the so-called "Royals" should be tipped 
out into the street and told to go find jobs.

That might even make a good reality TV show.

This week's Foyle's War episode, War Games (ABC 
8.30pm Sunday), is set in October 1940, during a large-scale Home 
Guard exercise. Foyle is investigating a spate of rural 
burglaries when a member of the Home Guard dies during the 
exercise.

The military close ranks, lest the dread word "incompetence" 
comes up, but Foyle is more concerned with what he learns of the 
world of high finance. Many large corporations, he finds to his 
disgust, are continuing to trade with the Nazis.

Money, he realises, "talks a universal language" for some — even 
during war.

The very clever and very well made children's series Noah & 
Saskia takes up its regular slot (ABC 5.25pm Tuesdays) after 
last week's double length opener.

The big question we're all waiting to see answered is whether the 
series can sustain the inventiveness and charm of the opener. It 
all depends on the writing.

Time will tell.

Russell Page was the principle dancer for Bangarra Dance Theatre, 
the Sydney-based Indigenous dance company. He mostly danced to 
choreography by his brother, Stephen, Bangarra's Artistic 
Director, and to music by another brother, David.

In July 2002, at the age of only 34, Russell Page committed 
suicide. In November 2003, Australia's leading dance companies 
came together to pay tribute to Russell, at the newly built 
Sydney Theatre at Walsh Bay.

This was a unique event as it was the first time all the major 
dance companies — Bangarra Dance Theatre, The Australian Ballet, 
The Australian Dance Theatre, Chunky Move, One Extra Dance 
Company and the Sydney Dance Company — had performed on one 
stage.

The dancers gave their time and all proceeds raised through the 
event went towards establishing the Russell Page Fellowship in 
his memory, to be offered, annually, to an emerging contemporary 
dancer.

Russell Page: A Dance Tribute, screening in the 
Masterpiece timeslot (SBS 10.00pm Tuesday), is a record of that 
event. The program features some of the most accomplished dancers 
from around the country in a show of respect for their colleague.

Message Stick (ABC 6.00pm Friday) this week deals with the 
efforts of some Aborigines in 1988 to deal with what many 
Aborigines perceived as Desperate Times for the national 
Aboriginal movement.

The program provides an insightful look at that time, and the 
actions of a group of Aboriginal people from Tasmania in 
particular, who sought help from the Libyan Government. Their 
activities shocked and panicked both the Australian Government 
and much of the white community.

Fourteen years on, Darlene Mansell and Jim Everett, two members 
from that group, tell their side of the story.

Finally, the 2004 Eurovision Song Contest (SBS 7.00pm 
every night this week) plus the preliminary final (SBS 7.30pm 
Friday) and the Grand Final (SBS 7.30pm Sunday May 16).

What is it about the Eurovision Song Contest that gives it so 
many appalling pop songs and produces so many icons of kitsch: 
Abba, Bucks Fizz, Sandie Shaw, Brotherhood of Man, Celine Dion, 
Katrina and the Waves, Lulu and Australia's Gina G?

It is the world's largest and most watched song festival. Last 
year on SBS the contest attracted 1.6 million viewers nationally.

And yet SBS' presentation, headed by comic Des Mangan, 
relentlessly sends up the show and the performers. Probably the 
only thing you can do with it.