Chile: I'm a torture survivor

Tito Trico

No one can really understand what being tortured means until that 
fateful moment when you find yourself naked, blindfolded and tied 
up at the mercy of your captors. Your entire life is confined to 
that fragile moment when darkness becomes your enemy, yet at the 
same time, is your only ally, a refuge from madness.

There is neither past nor future, only the present of screams, 
fury and impotence when you find yourself defenceless at the 
mercy of the torturer's rage and coldness. You never know when he 
is going to hit, shout, kick, hang, electrocute or kill you. You 
wait in darkness, disoriented, trying to guess where the next 
blow will come from, your heart escaping through your dry mouth 
hoping that your bones will resist the incessant pounding.

You just try to stay alive, breathe madly after every electric 
shock, because you scream so much and so loudly that you feel 
that even the earth's entire air supply will not be enough for 
you. But you keep on screaming amidst an explosion of a thousand 
colours that burn your flesh and shake you body.

You can't control electricity, you can't tame electricity, but 
amidst the bewildering storm of sparks and death rattles you can 
dream of green unicorns and the first time you made love right by 
the sea. Then it becomes somewhat easier to dream of the day when 
no human being would ever torture another human being just 
because he thinks differently.

Unfortunately today, 30 years later, I'm not sure this will never 
happen again in my homeland. Because, although for the first time 
in three decades it has been officially recognised that thousands 
of Chileans were tortured by the military dictatorship, not a 
word has been said about bringing those torturers to justice.

So, what will prevent them from doing it again? After a year's 
work, a special commission set up by the Chilean Government, 
after pressure from human rights organisations, issued a report 
about Torture and Political Prisoners in Chile during the 
dictatorship that ruled the country between 1973 and 1990.

The truth is that it was an open secret that at least 300,000 
Chileans had been detained and tortured during that period, the 
report only makes official such a reality, although only 35,000 
people came forward to testify before the commission. Many of 
those who did not testify are still afraid of their memories or 
simply did not believe in the commission's work.

Thirty-five thousand people tortured whose names have been 
consigned in the report, but not a single name of any of the 
torturers is included. We know their names, we know the places 
where they tortured and we know which branch of the armed forces 
they belong to, therefore, there is no valid reason whatsoever to 
withhold their names.

An offence to the victims

It is an offence to the victims of the repression, to all those 
defenceless men and women, to the 90 children who were tortured, 
to those who died under torture and to those of us who survived, 
to keep silent while the torturers laugh while they read the 
report.

Because there is no doubt that they enjoyed what they did, they 
rejoiced at human suffering, they enjoyed beating people up, 
frightening people, executing people. No one told me this, I was 
there, I know they loved crushing bones and raping women of all 
ages. They loved the power they held over other human beings for 
17 years.

The horror of the torture chamber will never go away, the 
military did not only torture individuals, but also the very soul 
of our nation. They did not only torture somebody for a few hours 
or a few days, they destroyed their life forever. It was a crime 
against mankind and those responsible for this crime must be 
brought to justice, anything else simply amounts to impunity.

It is not enough for the military to admit for the first time 
that they did indeed torture, because we already knew that. It is 
not enough either for them to express their sorrow for what 
happened or ask for forgiveness — which they have never done — 
for the only acceptable path is for justice to be done. Each and 
every one of those who tortured must be tried and sentenced to 
prison.

The government has stated that they value the army's courage for 
admitting that torture constituted an institutional practice. How 
can it be courageous to admit the obvious after 30 years of lies? 
It is shameful on the part of President Ricardo Lagos to issue 
such a statement.

It is also shameful that the government has proposed to 
compensate torture victims with a life pension of merely US$180 a 
month. Pain cannot be measured in monetary terms, however, the 
meagre figure offends rather than compensates for 30 years of 
suffering.

It is even more offensive for the minister for finance to point 
out that these pensions will cost the government $60 million a 
year and this will imply "painful budget readjustments".

Or, as the president did, to state that with this amount of 
resources in 10 years the government could build a brand new 
highway. So, not only were we tortured, but we are made to feel 
guilty of the fact that we will receive money depriving our 
countrymen of a new highway!

Why not compare these $60 million a year with the military 
budget? The Navy is acquiring five new warships from Holland; the 
Air Force is getting new F-16 from the United States. Are these 
war machines more important than helping torture victims whose 
lives were destroyed by the same people that will use them?

The fact is that the report loses a substantial and fundamental 
part of its historical validity if it reduces compensation to 
financial help, even if the announced pensions are eventually 
raised by parliament. The only true and acceptable compensation 
for torture victims is justice.

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Tito Tricot is Sociologist Director,
Centre For Intercultural Studies, Ilwen Chile