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Issue #1712      November 25, 2015

NATO adopts facebook strategy, will use national flags to fight ISIS

In what facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg has described as a social media coup, NATO has announced it will abandon its bombing campaign in Syria and contain the spread of terrorism using the French and other national flags.

Noting the absence of terrorist attacks since the French flag profile pic went viral on the popular social media platform, NATO Secretary General Jens Stoltenberg said US president Barack Obama called him in the wake of the Paris attacks to suggest a complete change in strategy.

“Mr Obama, having conferred with his key defence advisors, called me as soon as it became apparent using flags was the best way to stop the spread of terror,” he said.

“President Obama told me the US Air Force has replaced all its missiles with military-grade fabric that would be dropped over IS strongholds in Syria, severely restricting the movements and visibility of the rogue death cult.

“He emphasised the new strategy would only work using the flags of NATO aligned countries, which with custom made zips would also double as body bags.”

A spokesperson for military hardware specialist Lockeed Martin told Common Tern they weren’t expecting to diversify so soon but recognised the immense influence facebook profiles can have on world peace.

“We now know that bombs just aren’t that effective. If we can produce as many flags as we’ve seen on facebook, or even half that amount, we’ll destroy the enemy both militarily and psychologically,” he said.

The Common Tern flies over the heads of some but beware not to take him too seriously.

Next article – Medicare attack – Eliminating the safety net

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